Thursday, November 26, 2009

humpty dumpty had a fall

ooooooooooooooooh dear.i fall in love again. yes, again and again for the same person. i wonder how it happen. i tot that i already fall in love with him from the moment we've chatted, but then i realized he really did took my heart away when we were spending quality times together (but apparently every time is a quality one for us) , and he melted me when i knew him better. but then it was this day i really really really fall for him when he gave me the Lilies. at the moment he looked directly at my eyes. wait, the day we had the deeper conversation. the time we sang together. oh it was countless. i don't know how many times i had already fall for this charming man but what i was certain about is it doesn't hurt at all. i kinda like the "falling". for u mister, thanks a million for fixing me. ich liber dich.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

bla bla bla.

adik dah pulang. hua balik2 terus membuli. sabar je lah. baik pun kejap je. peluk2 sayang2 pastuh mula la perangai nakal dia tuh. xboleh duduk diam langsung. tarik rambut lah. cuit kaki lah. main geletek lah. haiii mmg jelas lagi nyata adik kakak ni dah balik. so far dia lepas semua stages. alhamdulillah. mintak2 la dia dapat. aminn bukan ape, kalau nanti dia masuk asrama tenteram sket. (tapi bosan banyak, time tu la baru tau erti kebosanan-duduk-sorang) ~ harini hari yang sangat la emosi. alahai ~~ letih dengan diri sendiri. tapi memang sangat la xtahu nak buat mcm mana. sabar jelah. dan..... esok balik kampung! yeaaaa lame dah xjumpa mak. ehe pelik kan? org panggil nenek tapi ni panggil mak pulak. bila pulak jadi adik beradik ngn mama sendiri. ntah la, terbiasa. mase kecit dulu, mama kate anak perempuan dia ni sgt la suke imitate ape org ckp. dengar mokcik2 panggil nenek mak, ape lagi juin la sekali. makngah jadi mummy. ngeeee ~ ape punye perangai daa. dah la umur baru setahun lebih dah mencecey. jadi jangan hairan la dengan bakat baercakap yang boleh mengatasi had lebuhraya ni. kalau ade speeking speed trap, mmg tertangkap la. training dari kecik ni. nak imbas mase kecik2 memang banyak. nakal ya amat mama kate. kalau orang lain ingat anak sorang perempuan mesti kene buli, mama cakap apa? no no no.tidak. xlahhh..xde can orang nak buli. dia buli balik. haha macho okay...tomboy kampung pisang ni. panjat pokok, main gasing, guli, tepuk daun terup.. semua la yang lelaki punya juin sekali. layang2 pun main taw.. :p dulu fesyen favorite baju paling besa ala2 Bob Lokman nye saiz dengan baggy short. tak masuk dengan cap lagi. kira dah paling smart la tu. xsedar buruk ghope nye pempuan gitu. hehe bile dah besar sket baru la reti nak jadi ladylike. dan ketika itu baru la ati mama tenteram, anak nye ini tak merana krisis jantina. dan tak segan lagi nak tayang anak dia depan kawan2. hahahaha 1st time pakai make up : time matrix. umur 18. thanks to watie yang sanggup bangun pagi semate2 nak jadi mak andam. to fiedza as well (",)(skg ni mama pening pulak, asyik nak beli barang make up je keje :p gasak la. dulu nak sangat kan...) kedang2 terfikir, ape la perasaan ade kakak or adik perempuan. best x? ke lagi best sorang? huhu mesti botak kepala abah. dua anak perempuan, dua kandang lembu la susah nye eh? ( dulu pernah menangis, abah same kan jage anak pompuan sorang lagi payah dari jaga sekandang lembu. sape xsedih, ni yang comel ni disame kan dengan lembu kot? bukan seekor tapi sekandang pulak tuuuu..huahua nampak sangat lemah peribahasa :p ) mama plak, xpayah bayang kan, ma sendiri dah penah cakap. kalau ma ade dua anak perempuan, memang jatuh muflis. tudung, baju, kasut, henbag, macam2 la lagi sume nak double. isk isk high maintenance betul anak gadis ni. woot wooot, nak dengar lagu la plak. tengah addicted kat lagu BEP, meet me halfway. pastuh main sudoku. dah sampai level 5. EXPERT stage okay...bangga diri betul! chet.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

come home, my hero.

adik, cepat lah balik. bosan la xde orang teman kakak kat umah. kakak masak pun xde orang makan ha. umah pun langsung xsepah ni. hehe :p saya sangat bosan tinggal sorang di rumah. adik pergi interview untuk masuk RMC. nak sangat dah nak jadi askar. tapi takpe la. memang ni dah minat dia. tapi macam tak berapa setuju bile adik cakap nak jadi pilot. tak tak tak. saya sangat tak rela dua2 adik nak jadi pilot.cukup lah sorang. korang ni memang dah pakat ke nak tinggalkan kakak kat bawah ha? cukup2 la tu. korang memang dah lagi tinggiii dari kakak pun. tak payah nak terbang pulak. okay? hehe. --- nukilan kakak yang rindukan adiknye yang busuk lagi macham. ---- (lagi sorang heroku yg jauh di sana) (adik & kakak)

Monday, November 23, 2009

today, yesterday and tomorrow.

huargh am in really great need of new novels. had finished reading Thanks For the Memories(at last!hehe) and now i'm stuck at home being gnirob (read it backward). my other novels are with my friends. i lend it all to them. huhu i don't think i can go and shop for the new one since there's restriction on budget. my bro is getting married so the spotlight in on him now. never mind. i can wait. but!!! oh no. i just remembered nad had promised me to lend her collection of twilight. have to wait until the new semester begins. huaaa T.T" i should remind her looong before the vacation. hmm :( today, beside my daily routine with the house chores, i did almost nothing. i keep on changing the channel and nothing was fun. i wonder why some people can be glued on the monitor when i found no attractive program available. perhaps i look at the wrong time, wrong section after all. yesterday.. was a blast. we went for a picnic despite the cloudy weather. the good thing, i don't have to wear shade!hehu ~ everything was perfect and we really had good time together. it's been awhile we don't see and talk like that much. yesterday also remind me of our first met. so much things to say, so little time. and plenty of foooods. i wish the day will never ends. (lovey dovey! haha back to earth efa...to earth) :p tomorrow, i don't have any plan in mind. maybe i can try to cook new thing. or surf until i drop my head somewhere. or solve sudoku until the pen running out of ink and i get headache. superb day ahead. can sense that! i sound so pathetic. i know. :) hope some miracle happen and i will be in this boringness no more. (",)

Friday, November 20, 2009

awak. muka. padan. :p

padan muka awak. kan dah kena marah. maaflah, saya tak sengaja. tiba2 aje angin naik kepala. saya marah awak sebab awak baik sangat. saya marah awak sebab awak tak reti penat. saya marah awak supaya awak ingat, tak semua benda kita boleh buat. saya tahu awak akan kata, yes we can't do everything but at least we can try to.. kan? saya tahu awak berbeza. saya tahu awak tak sama. dengan orang lain, dengan mereka semua. tapi, tolonglah. make time for yourself. there are just so many many things that i know you wish you can spare some times to do it. tell me when was the last time you update your blog? the last time you did nothing but watching your fav play? the last time you hang up with buddies the last time you had leisure walk the last time you had sound and deep sleep the last phone call you made to home. ~(the list goes on) saya marah awak sebab awak mengingatkan saya kepada diri sendiri. kita sama. saya harap saya bakal dimarah bila saya pun begini. 143.

someone-not-me

i know this is wrong. i know it all along. i know i am not suppose to feel this way, let alone to write it down. even the thought should never cross my mind but i just can't keep it inside. not anymore. right now i am all fired up. i can feel everything in this house become so quite and the tense is floating in the air, filling up the atmosphere. he is the one who bring along the tension with him. yesterday was the beginning of this drama. yesterday was the first day i saw him in the house before the midnite since i began my holiday. but that's not the story. when he started to nag about things he shouldn't be, to be cynical over stuff he pretended he cared for, spilled his unreasonable anger at my baby brother, that's the time he hit my boiling point. i hated for acting and feeling this way. i know i am not suppose to be like this. but blame the hard times he has put me in. for all the misery he had placed me to live with. for all the hatred he had succeed to make me feel.i always, always has a soft way when dealing with the elders. but when it comes to him,i know i am the lousiest child. dear god, please take all this hatred away. it don't feel right for me. how can i feel this to someone like him? i can't change the fact, but at least please change my heart. vanish all the memories that are stuck here in my mind. please.. For goodness sake, I have try my very bestest to make the situation less complicated. Indeed I’ve tried to look at him with new look, not being judgmental again but i can hold on no more. i can't wait to fly away, take my mama and my lil brothers with me. i promised them i'll do everything within my capacity for their happiness. they deserve to be like others. they should never feel deserted nor left behind. i am here, for them. when i look around me, i see lovely faces. when i look at my friends' family i feel touched. why am i different? i know i should be thankful, but can i ask, why does it happening to us? i still remember my childhood days, when i used to be by his side. i slept with him every night because i feel afraid when the lights turned off. how can someone so dear can turn into something like this? i need to change, but someone please tell me why. give me one solid reason for this action. rationale me. i know this is wrong.i am wrong because it don't feel so good. i feel like i am someone else. indeed this is not me. syahifa ain't anything like this. urghhh :(

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

rainbows after the rain

often in this short life we encounter with tests and troubles. it can take place randomly and squeeze into our life as it wish, anywhere possible at any given time. sometimes it arrives at the most unpredictable moment and place!the time we least expect any trouble to come, destiny had chose that exact moment to deliver the "parcel" for us to unfold and deal with. sometimes the fate just change its mind in a second and destiny become so cruel in just a glance (as what we do think).a yes, thing happens for a reason. its very well said. the tears and cries happen in everyone's life. its just a matter of time and reason behind it that differ. what we have to do is to think positively and take all the time we need to grieve. shout it out loud. cry. share your sadness with others.your regrets. the frustration. the pain. the hurt. but don't forget to make a stop. endure and live the life. i know it sounds so easy and nice in words but to make it working is a very damn hard thing. but do we have another option rather than to struggle to be back on our feet and kick our royal butt out from the mess? oh yes. we do have the option to stay forever in the misery and stop living.so choose.which one is better. if we have a broken heart, don't throw the heart away. even its broken, yet still working. we just need a very very very powerful glue to mend it again. no one says it can be done in a day. no.plenty of time required for this purpose and time is all what we need. slowly put the pieces back to it's place. put it all together to the place it belongs, into you. to keep our mind with the bright side all the, it is recommended to just think that God must have a very strong and valid reason why the people of your past didn't make it to your future. who knows the departure of Mr. Wrong is the arrival of Mr. Right. i read this somewhere in a novel. hehe. make yourself fully occupied with interesting activities. the one you never try but deep inside you had wished you make some time to do it. chase your dreams. you have all your time, energy, attention etc etc all to yourself. when we're in the love scene, we tend to give more attention and make excuses for the one we love more than what we pay to ourselves. so, utilize all the space and time we have to pamper the body, to treat the mind and go for fun stuff. don't forget the therapies session. (who talk about seeing psychologist? what i mean is fooooood therapy. shop therapy. chocolate therapy...(whooaa i even get excited typing this.) often also, we receive condolences and advices from whose dear and near. be patient. calm down. stop crying baby (your eyes look like Panda Bear already). you're just being tested with heavy rains. wait for a while because when it stops, you will get a very beautiful rainbows. i heard this version of words of wisdom and uplifting once when i was in really gloomy and teary day. this was the very sentence that made me alive again. thus, i wait in hope for the cloud to dried out, finish all the water it had contained for ages and for my beautiful rainbows to appear. yes, happy ending doesn't only exist in fairy tales. it happens in reality as well. now, i am so happy living my life on the top of the rainbow and walking away from the past. why rainbow? now this question keep on bouncing back and forth in my pretty little head. enough to occupy the space available for random thoughts and made me writing this. perhaps people been using it as a metaphor because of its beauty and matter of factly,its real. easy to relate to our everyday lives. rainbows can happen as long as there is sunlight and water droplets. it can be because of the rain, droplets from fountain, water spray, or even on the wave of the ocean. see, happiness also can happen anywhere, even in the place you least expect it to be! (likewise the trouble)so, cheer up and hold on for the rain to stop, for the sun to shine and for the awesome rainbows to make its grand entrance into your life!!! life is short, be alive while you're still ALIVE. don't ever ever let anyone to stop you from enjoying your time and be happy.its something that no one have the right to take it away from you. if someone wants to turn his/her direction from you and walk away, it is HIS/HER lost! not yours. if you're just too scared to delete all the sweet memories you had had in the past, just keep it our brain is designed to keep things. but don't afraid to make new ones! cheer!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

hari yang lucu.

hari ini hari ahad.bukan hari isnin mahupun rabu. dan hari ini juga hari yang tenang lagi senang. mengapa? kerana musim peperiksaan sudah pun habis melanda pantai mindaku yang sudah haru dan sedikit biru.hehe enough with repekan. hurmmm. sebenarnya ada cerita yang agak suam2 menariknya berlaku siang tadi. itu yang macam tiada esok aku manaip. hari ini, atau lebih tepat pada pukul 5petang waktu tempatan, roomate ku yang tersayang baru saja habis 2 kertas periksa yang agak sukar. jadi aku bercadang mahu makan malam bersama dan bersiar2 membawa mereka menenangkan fikiran. memangla bukan aku yang bawa, lesen kereta pun tiada tapi yang penting niat murni yang terdetik di kepala. jadi, aku pun membatalkan niat mahu pulang ke rumah dan melekat kepada idea utama. apa idea nya? aku mahu bawak roomate ku yang berdua ini ke Look- out point di ampang. melihat2 kotaraya KL. si E (mmg nama sebenar) ni name saje budak Kl, naik atas ni aku confirm sangat xpenah. hehe jahat~ sunguh nak bawak dia tengok sendiri. biar nanti kalau orang tnaya dia boleh jawab, ehhhhhh E*** penh naik tuuuu. ngeee :) nak dijadikan cerita, si E sudah janji la sama mak abah dan adik beliau mahu keluar makan. jadi memang xdapat lah nak proceed plan asal tu. tapi dah alang2 aku tunda balik rumah dan xpergi makan cempedak goreng dengan buah hati, aku ingat jadi la nak makan dengan cik N dan cik P. sekali, tungu punya tunggu. aku tunggu lagi. dan tunggu. jawapan yang aku terima : makan kat dalam je lah. P** nak makan chicken chop. ketika itu, tekalah perasaan ini bagaimana....... huuuuu terasa kehalusan dan kenipisan hati ii terserlah. memang sungguh aku terasa!!!jadi aku pun terus bersiap. lantak la. hati dah panas. niat aku suci lagi murni depa buat lagu ni. (huh tiba2 je slang tukar. ngee) air mata dah mcm kat hujung2 mata je.... memang dah nak keluar la. ni lah masalah aku yang paling besar. sungguh tidak macho. asal naik je paras marah air mata pun standy by jugak nak keluar. kot ye pun sabar2 la kejap kan. bagi la keluar muka garang yang ala2 singa dulu ke. huhu pastuh, maybe aura lu-bikin-hati-wa-panassss itu sudah meluap2 ke bilik yang lain. aku pun hairan. aku diam je pandang cermin. takkan la kot dalam hati ni ada built in speaker, jadi orang boleh dengar apa aku kata.tahu2 E dan N sudah ada. aku diam lagi. tapi mungkin muka sudah terbakar dek marahnya hati.N bertanya, Fa marah ke? aku dengan kalawan hati yang seboleh mungkin menjawap, fa memang xtunggu dari petang tadi.dan tidak semena-mena, cik N terus menagis sambil berkata, ni nak nangis niiii...huaaa terus hati ku cair dan memujuk beliau (ceh, aku kot yang tengah merajuk)apa nak buat, dah memang hati aku selembut baldu (perasan2) yang pasti ketika itu aku memang blur. ada banyak persoalan dalam kepala. 1) kenapa N menagis?dia terasa ke sebab aku terasa? 2) apa pasal aku plak nak emo terasa2. macam remeh sangat je hal nie. (ketika menulis ni pun, aku still rasa benda ni kecik sangat untuk ditangis dan menangiskan)huhuhu dan kesimpulan nya, hambikkkk....dengan mak abah adik cik E makan sama2 dengan kami. selama 4 tahun perkenalan dengan cik E, ni lah 1st time ever kami makan semeja dengan famili dia. rekod ni. dan yang paling lawak nya, cik N lah. dia ni, pembuli jalanan. muka tak makan saman. kanak2 yang takde perasaan. semualah sifat2 yang terpuji tak hingat ni dia punya. sekali meleleh air mata. macam sedih bebenor saja. terus bengkak mata. aishhhh. cik P : nape ko nangis tadi N** ? cik N : yela. sedih sangat. efa marah aku kot. dye mane penah marah. oh. inilah sebab nya. rasa bangga. aku boleh marah!!!! :P sekian. tamat.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

3 in the morning. (sudden tribute for history)

la la la la . i am still awake, my eyes are as big as the moon and the clock is ticking so loud telling me i should get some rest. shhh. u dont have to tell me when i should get some rest cos when im resting, no one can tell me to get back to work again. there is never some rest. its always REST and REST only. time for absolute pampers :p i cant shut my eyes in peace.why? because ive drank a glass of two sachets of nescafe. i am so caffeinated now. who needs sleep when reality is better than dream, by the way? hahaha so melampau! actually the real reason behind this drama is i have to read all the information as much as possible about this Germany historian to make sure i have something to write on my answer script on the day of persecution and torture of the fingers (err i mean, the examination day.) at this very moment, i declare myself as the biggest hardcore fan of Leopold von Renke. hehe am still working on to comprehend his whole-life workss.......pheww. i wonder if i can be at least close to something like him. to have the passion in history like he does, to be so eager in discovering the stories, to be lost inside thousands of tales, to read and whisper the names of people who really truly existed in this real world. i wonder how does it feel to be remembered by the people after your time. for the people we dont even know and meet to be expert of our own stories. to know every single details of our steps, to remember us. even after our time.
perhaps thats the reason why some people rather die in honor just so his / her name will be written in history and remembered forever. because history never dies.it continues with every birth of human race. (erm now i wonder, why suddenly im so excited talking about my study?hehe) history is the story. what we write in here, at this very moment will eventually be the history of ourselves. :) (senyum bangga) we will look back at here one day and laugh over silly things we've said, smile over good times we've shared, send tears in our eyes remembering those who had left, and thankful for all the times we have the chance to stay. our past is not something that will haunt and should be fear of.yesterdays were an opprtunity, for us to learn from the mistake and cherish for the memories.
with that note, i shall leave. love; efabulous p/s: reasons why i love history
  1. i love watching epic movies.- the true story from the past. i hv to give credit to Troy as it has inspired me a lot.(or to brad pitt to be precised. :p )
  2. history requires great reading. i enjoy (addicted is more like it) reading.so we hv something in common here.
  3. we're the product of our past. this notion has been glued in my pretty head for such a long time. in order to know myself, i hv to know my past. simple logic.
  4. people will fall, when they choose not to refer to their previous steps.
  5. to fall in love with history is a gift. only lucky ones get the chance! the world dont need so many historian.let me be the one :)
HISTORIA MAGISTRA VITAE EST!!

saya vs dia.

saya budak kecil yang comot. tudung masih senget. makan dah tentu bersepah. dia budak besar yang segak rambut tegak terpacak baju langsung tak berkedut selerak. kalau ada masalah.. saya cakap semua yang dalam hati bila lenguh mulut baru berhenti. dia banyak diam dari bercakap tak perlukan mulut dalam berfikir. kalau lapar.. saya takkan makan kalau tak sedap kalau terpaksa pun pasti menangis. dia? semua pun dia ngap takda benda yang tak dikuis. saya.. muka penuh jerawat. lepas satu, satu meletus. dia... mak aihh.licin macam pelekat muka murni lagi kudus.... saya dan dia memang banyak yang berbeza tapi masih banyak juga yang sama pernah tak dia tanya, kenapa Tuhan cipta ruang di antara jemari dia? tentulah untuk saya letakkan jemari saya pula. untuk saya pegang dia sampai hari tua.

my favorite by far..

still struggling to finish reading this one! the first ahern's novel that i bought. soooooo sweeeeeet!! oone of my ultimate fav! if ure one of those who always lost something, u better read this one. funny explanation to feed ur curiosity. says who boy and girl can be bestfriend?just friend? haha!!! my favorite pass time is reading. i know i sound so nerd here but thats the ugly truth. i love and enjoy reading.for me, its the only place where i can exercise my unlimited imagination. solid reason not to like movies which has been adapted from novels. it often upset my excitement. the story was beyond that (i dont know whether the film was not up to my standard or it was just me. i misunderstood the storyline from the beginning. :p) i don't know the exact moment when i started to develop this kind of habit but as far as i can remember, my mom used to scold me because 'id stay up the whole night reading.haha other moms will be absolutely happy if their children engaged with books but not mama. why? because i spent way too much time reading books but not for my studies. :p here, my all time favorite author together with her unforgivable super duper delicious writings!

the second baby step

haha...!!i know i took more than a year to post my second entry. i've forgotten my password (silly excuse) and thus it has stopped me from burbling my thoughts and my words in here. by bthe way, whatever my excuses were, i am here now to continue what i have started. a year has passed me by, all the ups and downs in life has made me wiser. :) for my yesterdays, thanks for sparing me some space to share and some lessons to learn.